Graham Engineering Redskins F.C

Player Profiles Season 2004/05

  Name Position Profile
Oliver Nowell (Dean Kiely) Goalkeeper Can't play much thru work commitments, so he comes once a month like my last girlfriend.
Simon Jones (Danny Granville) Full Back/Treasurer Played for a few years now and established the full back position. Doesn't like being pulled off thou, cos he'll sulk, "I wouldn't".
Chad Mayoh (Moritz Volz) Full Back Our regular left back, scored first goal of the season recently and left girlfriend in sheffield overnight.
Lee Corns (John Terry) Centre Half/Vice Captain Gettin older now and gets injured more, so has to watch with his daughter. Proves who wears the pants in his house.
James Fazakerley (Matthew Upson) Centre Half Good new lad, excellent in posession, passes well, strikes the ball well, but won't head the ball, it messes up his hair.
David Flounders (David Unsworth) Centre Half

Dave likes to shoot, usually from his own half thou. Played in goal recently, and did well.

Ian Fraser (Patrik Berger) Midfield/Club Captain Well, how the hell am I still playing. Reads the game, great passer, but can't run anymore.
Mark Corns (Nicky Butt) Midfield Mark loves to talk all the way thru a game, then gets fined for the priviledge, great 5th touch.
Michael Larkin (Stan Lazaridis) Midfield New lad, fitted in really well. Scores goals as well.
Simon Kitchen (Tim Cahill) Midfield Mr dependable, even got to go on club trip last year.
Duncan Bennett (Cristiano Ronaldo) Midfield Works now for 'Toni & Gay' so can't play for us anymore.
Mark Barnes (Damian Duff) Midfield If he knew what day it was he be a hell of a player.
Michael Yabantu (Jermaine Jenas) Midfield 'Yubba' or 'Super Sub', excellent player but finds it hard to stay at home at weekends.
Chris McGuire (Mark Viduka) Striker Nice to see someone in the team who looks as old as me and he's only 17. Good addition to the squad.
Peter Turner (Robbie Keane) Striker Stared off scoring goals for fun, but no fun watching him miss. Things will change, I hope.
Andy Dibb (Andy Johnson) Striker Our poaching machine, getting on a bit now, the grey hairs are a giveaway.
Steve Gorman (kevin Davies) Striker/Midfield Doctor Didds, got married recently so he won't get to play much longer. Very versatile, will play anywhere for a game.
Nick Humphrey (James Milner) Midfield My lad, brilliant on the play station, if only he could do it on the pitch. One for the future.
Stuart Dutton (lee Hendrie) Midfield Lee Hedrie look-a-like, plays like Colin Hedrie, talks like Stephen Hendrie.
Robert Baxter (Malcolm Christie) Striker The old man, keeps his money in his socks. Still a decent player.
Paul Smith (Jesper Gronkjaer) Midfield Hung up his boots a bit too early, but will play when we need him, says he now enjoys sex on Sundays
Simon Burrows (Brad Friedel) Goalkeeper Big lad, stand in keeper, 6' 5" so I've got to say he's a nice lad. Enormous hands.
Paul Ashworth (Steve Bruce) Assistant Manager If Paul was committed to eating as he was to the Redskins he'd be a right fat lad, sorry he is.
Phil Kitchen (Chris Coleman) Assistant Manager Phil has played for years, but lacks two things, ability and pace.


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